Smoked Glass | by Orpheus C. Kerr

Contains few letters of historical importance.

Title	Smoked Glass
Author	Orpheus C. Kerr
Publisher	Rockwell & Rollins
Year	1898
Copyright	1898, Geo. W. Carleton
Amazon	Smoked Glass

By Orpheus C. Kerr, Author Of "Orpheus C. Kerr Papers," "Avery Glibun," Etc. With Illustrative Anachronisms By Thomas Worth.

Verba Sesquipedalia: A few words by way of introduction, - as an author frequently remarks, with much native ease of manner, when about to astonish such weak-minded readers as peruse prefaces, with some pages of strict...

Letter I. Narrating A Pleasing Anecdote Of New Jersey: Narrating A Pleasing Anecdote Of New Jersey ; Describing The Friendly Visit Of An Exciting Journalist To An Able Military Candidate For The Presidency; Noting The Disinterested Organization Of The G...

Narrating A Pleasing Anecdote Of New Jersey. Part 2: But if the well-known Southern Confederacy has reason to feel more or less indignation against our former strategic national troops for exploding the incendiary musket against her, she may find much i...

Narrating A Pleasing Anecdote Of New Jersey. Part 3: The Universal Exile's Lament Attind to me, mother, while loud I'm complaining, And bend your swate eyes more complately to hear; For weakness of voice is just all I am gaining, Locked up in a...

Narrating A Pleasing Anecdote Of New Jersey. Part 4: Taking upon ourselves mantles of invisibility we boldly enter the hospitable door of this celebrated house, and are quite surprised to find host, hostess, daughters, and a 3* young-man visitor named y...

Letter II. Illustrating, By A Moral Connecticut Tale, The Fallacy Of That Political Inspiration Which Is Derived From The Graves Of Great Men: Illustrating, By A Moral Connecticut Tale, The Fallacy Of That Political Inspiration Which Is Derived From The Graves Of Great Men; Picturing The Solemn Impeachment Of A. Johnson, At The Bar Of The Se...

Illustrating, By A Moral Connecticut Tale, The Fallacy Of That Political Inspiration Which Is Derived From The Graves Of Great Men. Continued: Thinking of this, I was upon the point of leaving the place, when a Republican chap of much forehead called for another brevet, and says he, - The Union of to-day has been turned into a howling w...

Letter III. Wherein Our Correspondent Not Only Introduces A Fashionable Washingtonian Belle: Wherein Our Correspondent Not Only Introduces A Fashionable Washingtonian Belle, But Also Audaciously Takes Advantage Of A Delay In Impeachment To Address Himself Exclusively To The Stylish Young Maid...

A Fashionable Washingtonian Belle. Part 2: In fact, this question of the management of would-be familiar mothers is of vital importance to the dignity of your whole young ladyhood, and should have a large part of its treatment at home, where f...

A Fashionable Washingtonian Belle. Part 3: These little touches of girlish prettiness are indeed of the utmost importance to you, young ladies, and always convince the sensible masculine observer that you have those tender and confiding qualit...

Letter IV. Explaining The Surprising Equanimity Of A Nation Under Complicated Misfortunes: Explaining The Surprising Equanimity Of A Nation Under Complicated Misfortunes By The Parallel Case Of A Great Philosopher Of The Sixth Ward J Confessing The Inexplicable Levity Produced By The Honest...

Explaining The Surprising Equanimity Of A Nation Under Complicated Misfortunes. Continued: Discussing this and other great questions, I was walking down Pennsylvania Avenue with a solid Boston man yesterday, when we ran against a fellow-being who, with his back toward us, was attentively co...

Letter V. Introducing An Impecunious But Loyal Southern Cavalier: Introducing An Impecunious But Loyal Southern Cavalier ; Depicting A Gorgeous Stage-procession In The Mighty Spectacle Of Impeachment J Reporting The Unexampled And Convincing Inaugural Argument Of Ma...

Introducing An Impecunious But Loyal Southern Cavalier. Continued: Now, for the first time in the history of the world, has a nation brought its Chief Magistrate to grief, by high legal process, for administering the powers and duties of his high office in a manner ...

Letter VI. Which Attempts The Sublime, But Succeeds To A Certain Extent Only: Which Attempts The Sublime, But Succeeds To A Certain Extent Only; Yet Quotes Favorite Passages From The Prevailing Drama As They Are Being Simultaneously Ground Out, To Great Applause, By Organs Al...

Letter VII. Charging The Radicals With The Continued And Exasperating Wet Weather: Charging The Radicals With The Continued And Exasperating Wet Weather; Setting Forth The Great Wrong Done To The Conservative Kentucky Chap; Repeating A Conversation In The Boxes And Scene On The Stag...

Charging The Radicals With The Continued And Exasperating Wet Weather. Continued: This style of whispering at a play may be all very well, my boy, for the fragile female mind, which can't bear suspense ; but there may be persons in a theatrical audience who do not care to have the ...

Letter VIII. Chanting An Astonishing Lay In Honor Of Clear Weather Once More: Chanting An Astonishing Lay In Honor Of Clear Weather Once More; Irreverently Likening The Stately Abode Of Congress To A Stomach; Mentioning An Attempted Speculation With Captain Samyule Sa-Mith, In ...

Chanting An Astonishing Lay In Honor Of Clear Weather Once More. Continued: Samyule, says I, holding fast to my candle-box, don't it seem to you that this lightning-train sways a little in going around the corners? You must be highly inedicated, says Samyule, instr...

Letter IX. Being A Veracious Account Of The Unparalleled Match Against Nature: Being A Veracious Account Of The Unparalleled Match Against Nature Bt The American Proof-Readerw And The Boston Marvel; With Its Inevitably Tragical Termination. Washington, D. C, April 28, 18...

Being A Veracious Account Of The Unparalleled Match Against Nature. Continued: They would have rubbed him with oil again, - those fiercely excited, heartless lookers-on, who cared not for two human lives if they could but win their bets, -they would have filled his nose with har...

Letter X. Moralizing Upon The Certain Result Of Vice Presidency: Moralizing Upon The Certain Result Of Vice-Presidency; Giving The Curious Epitaph Of A Victim Of Eloquence; Presenting The Principal Gems Of A Guano Matinee; And Recording The Enthusiasm Of The Popula...

Moralizing Upon The Certain Result Of Vice Presidency. Continued: Hem! says he, dealing two here and two there, and simultaneously making a pass of two kings and an ace up his coat-sleeve. Kentucky will play you just one game of Bluff, Mr. Post, to see if her ...

Letter XI. Taking A Hopeful View Of The Future Of American Art: Taking A Hopeful View Of The Future Of American Art; Affording Valuable Hints To The Coming Great Historical Painter; And Showing How A Sudden And Unprecedented Outbreak Of Morality Caused A Lamentabl...

Taking A Hopeful View Of The Future Of American Art. Continued: In the afternoon, my friend returned home from Impeachment, and, after slipping down upon the white lead on the sidewalk and getting his vest, coat, and hat tastefully touched up with turpentine and s...

Letter XII. Narrating The Sudden Journey Of Our Correspondent And Others To The South On A Mission Of Reconstruction: Narrating The Sudden Journey Of Our Correspondent And Others To The South On A Mission Of Reconstruction: Illustrating The Usual Gymnastic Perils Of American Railroad Travel ; And Portraying How The W...

Narrating The Sudden Journey Of Our Correspondent And Others To The South On A Mission Of Reconstruction. Continued: Ah! said I, vainly endeavoring to appear unmoved, where are we expected to have our first engagement ? Just below here, my fren', says Villiam, cutting off a lock of his hair for the atto...

Letter XIII. Ushering In The Lady Of The Chateau With All The Forms And Graces: Ushering In The Lady Of The Chateau With All The Forms And Graces; Introducing Croquet And One Of Its Usual Results; And Recording The Direful Mistake Of An Unsuspecting Union Offices. CHipmunk Cou...

Ushering In The Lady Of The Chateau With All The Forms And Graces. Continued: What for? said I. Hum! says Villiam, rubbing his arm, methinks she loves me; and she's winkin' at me now. Alas! for the quick susceptibility of woman's heart! Matilda was indeed winking an...

Letter XIV. Chronicling The Arrival Of P. Penruthers As Suitor: Chronicling The Arrival Of P. Penruthers As Suitor; The Ancient Feudal Ceremonies There At ; And The Dreadful Demeanor Of The Nobility At The Ensuing Banquet. Chipmunk Court House, May 28, 1868. ...

Chronicling The Arrival Of P. Penruthers As Suitor. Continued: My fren', says Villiam, perceptibly trembling, has a junk-shop exploded anywhere? What is this horrible noise which mine ears behold? I told him, in hurried accents, that the great bell was ...

Letter XV. Citing As Incident Of The Southern Postal Service: Citing As Incident Of The Southern Postal Service ; Interpolating As Impeachment Note From Washington, Aid A Vague Words-Worthian Parody; And Conservtatively Touching Upon The Presidentiai. Nominati...

Citing As Incident Of The Southern Postal Service. Continued: When a country has become so demoralized, my boy, that a chap of good family and elegant language, like myself, can be familiarly addressed in that way, just as though he were a President and entitled...

Letter XVI. Showing How A Disloyal Telegraph Did Pervert And Mispunctuate The Mackerel General's "Letter Of Acceptance": Showing How A Disloyal Telegraph Did Pervert And Mispunctuate The Mackerel General's Letter Of Acceptance , And Spiritedly Depicting The Great Munchausen Hunt And Its Lamentable Ending. Chipmun...

Showing How A Disloyal Telegraph Did Pervert And Mispunctuate The Mackerel General's "Letter Of Acceptance". Continued: * It seemed too bad to pervert General Grant's frank and soldierly Letter, bat the temptation was irresistible. I looked at Villiam questioningly, and says I, - In the present depressed state o...

Letter XVII. Illustrating The Tremendous Extraneous Influence Of Large Sized Names: Illustrating The Tremendous Extraneous Influence Of Large-Sized Names; And Describing The Most Passionate And Contemptuous Love-Scene Ever Beheld In Fashionable Southern Society By A Yankee Varlkt. ...

Illustrating The Tremendous Extraneous Influence Of Large Sized Names. Continued: This morning, while I sat quietly upon a butter-firkin, which had been sawed into an easy-chair, in the drawing-room of the ancient Munchausen chateau, P. Penruthers entered, with Matilda Munchausen h...

Letter XVIII. Casually Explaining The Unique Latin Motto Of An Ancient House: Casually Explaining The Unique Latin Motto Of An Ancient House; But Chiefly Devoted To A Brilliant Chivalric Tournament, And Showing How The Nobility And Gentry Demeaned Themselves On That Knightly Oc...

Casually Explaining The Unique Latin Motto Of An Ancient House. Continued: The top seat all around, singularly narrow as it was, seemed to have the preference; and, as its occupants were privileged to hook their insteps and ankles on the next seat below, and the two seats st...

Letter XIX. Paying A Handsome Tribute To Woman: Paying A Handsome Tribute To Woman ; Introducing A Bride, And Preparation For The Bridal; Giving The Origin And Plan Of Chipmunk Cathedral; Sketching A Grand Southern Ritualistic Wedding; And Showing ...

Paying A Handsome Tribute To Woman. Part 2: The venerable freedman scratched his head, and says he: I don't know, Mars'r, but I b'lieve it's to get up a new Consumption for de State. Ha! ha! ha! laughed the scornful Southron, with horr...

Paying A Handsome Tribute To Woman. Part 3: The Ritual rector now intoned a Nux Vomica, accompanied in a slow adagio movement by night-key bugle and comb; and then, looking steadfastly at the couple, snuffed out two candles with his fingers. Th...

Letter XX. Recording A Day's Excursion Up The Potomac: Recording A Day's Excursion Up The Potomac; Analyzing A Strawberry Festival, And Reporting Bomb Of The Orations At Susper College Commencement. Chipmunk Court House, June 26, 1868. The human sou...

Recording A Day's Excursion Up The Potomac. Continued: Perceiving, from my payment of fare, and the absence of holes from the elbows and knees of my garments, that I was a scorpion carpet-bagger from the plebeian North, the company on board did not invite...

Letter XXI. Which Dilates Upon The Military Mind As Affected By Southern Experience: Which Dilates Upon The Military Mind As Affected By Southern Experience; Shows How A Deserving Southern Unionist Was Fearfully And Wonderfully Tried By Mackerel Court-Martial; And Explains How Captain...

Which Dilates Upon The Military Mind As Affected By Southern Experience. Continued: Counsel for defence put on his spectacles, and says he, - But how did- Here the Judge Advocate wished to inform the caricature of humanity then speaking, that he must not try any of his low b...

Appendix. I. Opening Argument Of Manager, The Hon. B. F. Butler, In The High Court Of Impeachment, Monday, March 30, 1868: Mr. President and Gentlemen of the Senate : - The onerous duty has fallen to my fortune to present to you, imperfectly as I must, the several propositions of fact and the law upon which the House of R...

II. Testimony In The Impeachment Case: George W. Karsener, of Delaware, testified that he was an old acquaintance of General Thomas, and that he saw him, about the 7th of March, at a ball, and told him that the eyes of all Delaware wer...

IV. Speech Of Judge Nelson, Of Tennessee, Fob The Defence, In The High Court Of Impeachment, Thursday, April 23, 1868: Mr. Chief Justice and Senators:-I have been engaged in the practice of my profession as a lawyer for the last twenty years, and I have, in the course of my somewhat diversified professional life, argu...

V. Debate In The House Of Representatives, Saturday, May 2d, 1868, As Reported In The Papers Of The Day: The letter of Mr. Washburne having been read by the clerk, Mr. Donnelly remarked that he was certainly justified in the declarations he had made that the annals of Congress presented no parallel to th...