But if the well-known Southern Confederacy has reason to feel more or less indignation against our former strategic national troops for exploding the incendiary musket against her, she may find much inexpressible comfort, my boy, in contemplating the dreadful retribution now visited upon the head of the last General of the Mackerel Brigade by the pleasing emissaries of an incorrigible daily press. The other day, an affable and exhaustive correspondent of one of our more exciting morning journals, having learned that the General was under orders to become President of the United States in 1869, went cheerfully to his private residence to make inquiries concerning his character, and ascertain his views of the freed-negro race. Beaching the chamber of the great man, where the latter sat practising upon the accordion, this gifted and friendly correspondent first glanced over two or three private letters, which were lying upon a desk near the window, and then says he, -
" Although attached to a journal which gains ten thousand in circulation per week, I am inclined to regard you as an equal, and shall only publish such portions of your correspondence with your family as may be interesting to our female readers. I find here," says he, opening a drawer in the desk, and smiling agreeably, "a penknife, with which I will pare my nails, while asking you such questions as the nation is determined to have answered. Firstly: What is your income for the current year, and how is your grandmother's sprained ankle? "
The veteran attentively regarded the middle knuckle of his right hand, and performed "Ever of Thee," on the accordion.
"I see," went on this cheerful correspondent, "that your servant has just brought in your breakfast, and I don't know but I will try one of those eggs myself While I am eating I shall trouble you to tell me what you spend a year for clothes, and also what property your wife brought you. The people of the country are naturally anxious to have these matters clearly explained at once, and any equivocation will tend only to depreciate our bonds abroad, and disappoint a legitimate curiosity at home".
The great soldier fixed his glance earnestly upon a spot near the middle of the ceiling, and executed " Oh, ask me not," with dreamy effect.
"I will try one of your cigars, for a change," said the able correspondent, going to the box on the shelf; "and while I am looking for a match in the pocket of that waistcoat of yours, hanging on that nail, you might tell me how many marriageable nieces you have; and also, how much you contribute toward the support of your unmarried aunt. The general public will scarcely be satisfied with anything but the most direct replies to these queries; and if you will also inform me what you gave for your last dozen of shirts, I shall feel obliged".
The hero now took a deep interest in the left-hand corner of the table near him, and softly evolved, ." Come, rest in this Bosom," from his eloquent instrument of music.
" You are doubtless quite ready," continued this engaging correspondent, abstractedly dressing his hair with a comb and brush from the bureau, " to state how much you allow your wife for keeping house, and how much you expect to make this year. Upon these points, of course, your fellow-countrymen expect explicit information; nor must I forget to ask how you stand regarding the extension of suffrage to the freed-negro race? "
Here the famous veteran slowly arose from his chair, carefully laid his accordion upon the table, and - winked. Then he quietly lifted a cat from the floor, deliberately blew a ridge in her fur, and dexterously from, with thumb and finger, an agile triumph of the insect kingdom. Thus supplied, he advanced upon the affable and exhaustive correspondent, led him smilingly to the door by an arm, delicately deposited the insect in his right ear, and closed the interview.
And this subject naturally leads me to consider the "Grand Mackerel Army of the Republic," which was organized here on Tuesday evening, by certain officers of the great strategic Brigade, and the inaugural meeting of which I had the honor to attend. The organization is for the purpose of promoting the Presidency of the above General, keeping alive the memory of those feats of arms and legs, without which we should not now be on hand as a nation, and securing for the most strategical officers of our late forces that marked political recognition so necessary to persons who propose becoming governors, postmaster, or successful clergymen. The meeting was held in the immediate neighborhood of a bar-room; so that, in case of fire, water might be readily attainable; and I was pleased to exchange greetings once more with Captains Vil-liam Brown and Samyule Sa-mith, Sergeant O'Pake, and the thoughtful Mackerel Chaplain.
The object of the organization having been stated by a waiter, and the memory of those of our comrades who have married since the war having been drank in silence, the next toast in order was, -
" Our Native Land".
To this Sergeant O'Pake responded. He said that our Native Land was open to all Irishmen, whether they came from Italy, Poland, or Hungary; and that even to Americans it offered some advantages. When we spoke of our Native Land, however, we particularly meant the refuge of the foreign martyr of freedom; of him who believed that Man must be Free, no matter what he was indicted for, and never hesitated to break jail in demonstration of that. immortal truth. He - the speaker - could not better answer the last toast, than by presenting a rhythmical statement of the woes of the general foreign refugee of Freedom; and, while giving the body of the sad tale in Irish, that it might seem more like home to Americans, he had also sufficiently flavored the strain with various foreign tongues to make it suit the general and everlasting martyr of tyranny. He begged leave, therefore, to recite: