"Wasn't that a fine haul we made at the Lord of Dunlavin's ! " says one ugly-looking thief with his mouth full, " and it's little wre'd get only for the honest porter : here's his purty health ! " " The porter's purty health ! " cried out every one of them, and Jack bent his finger at his comrades. " Close your ranks, my men," says he in a whisper, "and let every one mind the word of command." So the ass put his fore-hoofs on the sill of the window, the dog got on the ass's head, the cat got on the dog's head, and the cock on the cat's head. Then Jack made sign, and they all sung out like mad. " Heehaw, hee-haw ! " roared the ass ; " bow-wow ! " barked the dog; " meaw-meaw ! " cried the cat; " cock-a-doodle-doo ! " crowed the cock. "Level your pistols!" cried Jack, "and make smithereens of 'em. Don't leave a mother's son of 'em alive ; present, fire ! " With that they gave another halloo, and smashed every pane in the window. The robbers were frightened out of their lives. They blew out the candles, threw down the table, and skelped out at the back door as if they were in earnest, and never drew rein till they were in the very heart of the wood.
Jack and his party got into the room, clofeed the shutters, lighted the candles, and ate and drank till hunger and thirst were gone. Then they lay down to rest;-Jack in the bed, the ass in the stable, the dog on the door mat, the cat by the fire, and the cock on the perch.
At first the robbers were very glad to find themselves safe in the thick wood, but they soon began to get vexed. " This damp grass is very different from our warm room," says one ; "I was obliged to drop a fine pig's crubeen (foot)," says another ; " I didn't get a Ay-spoonful of my last tumbler," says another; "and all the Lord of Dun-lavin's goold and silver that we left behind !" says the last. " I think I'll venture back," says the captain, " and see if we can recover anything." " That's a good boy ! " said they all, and away he went.
The lights were all out, and so he groped his way to the fire, and there the cat flew in his face, and tore him with teeth and claws. He let a roar out of him, and made for the room door, to look for a candle inside. He trod on the dog's tail, and if he did, he got the marks of his teeth in his arms, and legs, and thighs. " Millia murdher (thousand murders) ! " cried he ; " I wish I was out of this unlucky house." When he got to the street door, the cock dropped down upon him with his claws and bill, and what the cat and dog done to him was only a flay-bite to what he got from the cock. " Oh, tatthera-tion to you all, you unfeeling vagabones ! " says he, when he recovered his breath ; and he staggered and spun round and round till he reeled into the stable, back foremost, but the ass received him with a kick on the broadest part of his small clothes, and laid him comfortably on the dunghill. When he came to himself, he scratched his head, and began to think what happened him ; and as soon as he found that his legs were able to carry him, he crawled away, dragging one foot after another, till he reached the wood.
" Well, well," cried them all, when he came within hearing, " any chance of our property ? " " You may say chance," says he, " and it's itself is the poor chance all out. Ah, will any of you pull a bed of dry grass for me ? All the sticking plaster in Inniscorfy (Enniscorthy) will be too little for the cuts and bruises I have on me. Ah, if you only knew what I have gone through for you ! When I got to the kitchen fire, looking for a sod of lighted turf, what should be there but a colliach (old woman) carding flax, and you may see the marks she left on my face with the cards. I made to the room door as fast as I could, and who should I stumble over but a cobbler and his seat, and if he did not work at me with his awls and his pinchers you may call me a rogue. Well, I got away from him somehow, but when I was passing through the door, it must be the divel himself that pounced down on me with his claws, and his teeth, that were equal to sixpenny nails, and his wings-ill luck be in his road ! Well, at last I reached the stable, and there, by way of salute, I got a pelt from a sledge-hammer that sent me half a mile off. If you don't believe me, I'll give you leave to go and judge for yourselves." " Oh, my poor captain," says they, "we believe you to the nines. Catch us, indeed, going within a hen's race of that unlucky cabin ! "
Well, before the sun shook his doublet next morning, Jack and his comrades were up and about. They made a hearty breakfast on what was left the night before, and then they all agreed to set off to the castle of the Lord of Dunlavin, and give him back all his gold and silver.
Jack put it all in the two ends of a sack, and laid it across Neddy's back, and all took the road in their hands. Away they went, through bogs, up hills, down dales, and sometimes along the yalla high road, till they came to the hall door of the Lord of Dunlavin, and who should be there, airing his powdered head, his white stockings, and his red breeches, but the thief of a porter.
He gave a cross look to the visitors, and says he to Jack, " What do you want here, my fine fellow ? there isn't room for you all." " We want," says Jack, " what I'm sure you haven't to give us-and that is, common civility." " Come, be off, you lazy geochachs (greedy strollers)! " says he, " while a cat 'ud be licking her ear, or I'll let the dogs at you." " Would you tell a body," says the cock that was perched on the ass's head, "who was it that opened the door for the robbers the other night ? " Ah ! maybe the porter's red face didn't turn the colour of his frill, and the Lord of Dunlavin and his pretty daughter, that were standing at the parlour window unknownst to the porter, put out their heads. " I'd be glad, Barney," says the master, " to hear your answer to the gentleman with the red comb on him." "Ah, my lord, don't believe the rascal ; sure I didn't open the door to the six robbers." "And how did you know there were six, you poor innocent? " said the lord. " Never mind, sir," says Jack, "all your gold and silver is there in that sack, and I don't think you will begrudge us our supper and bed after our long march from the wood of Athsalacli (muddy ford)." " Begrudge, indeed ! Not one of you will ever see a poor day if I can help it."